


history repeats itself (somebody says this)

by dhabitude



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, also lol bucky's a grump I suppose, but it was like only a sentence, but there's that overall very sad steve feel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-05
Updated: 2020-04-05
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:54:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23487913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dhabitude/pseuds/dhabitude
Summary: war comes and it goes, bringing with it injuries and spilt blood. steve knows this.(or: it's hard without bucky to patch him up afterwards)
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Kudos: 3





	history repeats itself (somebody says this)

war raged around the two always, a constant break from the harsh feelings they held in their hearts. whether it be in the forties, and between countries or in some deathly hellscape in the new millennium, between aliens. it was always there.  
and with war, came injuries. blisters on the hand and on the brain from the heat of bucky's rifle, soldiers' blood staining the white snow that steve had always longed to go out in back in brooklyn. stretch marks and scars that itched in the dark of the tents, from torture and from experiments, america's wonder boy riddled with them just as much as sniper bucky. steve's fucking beak of a nose constantly wrapped in gauze because he was a stupid fucking idiot. bucky knew his mum woulda wrung his neck if he saw all that bucky let steve have.  
and then, decades later, phantom frozen toes in the dead of night, steve rolling over in his too-comfy bed in his too-noisy brooklyn and realising buck wasn't there to warm them up. broken fingers from his shield, the too-tight bandages bucky would wrap them up in in a fit of rage - 'for fucks steve, wear some bloody gloves or sum'n, you big lug' - a thing of the past. alien guts creeping into his wounds after some bloody battle he didn't want to be a part of. broken bones and missing teeth and cold limbs and no fucking bucky.  
teeth that hurt from biting down on that green gum shield, the knot of fucked up nerves at his shoulder giving him grief. the man with the big nose -a honker, really- that just took his punches with ease.  
and then the dust that creeped into steve's nightmares, the head that hurt even after thanos turned back time and he came back from the dead, the pain in his chest whenever he went to that fucking group and had to sit next to the Only Gay Guy™ steve had ever known. the feel that he was missing bones, missing his soul and the crushing realisation that god he'd loved him.  
and then war came again, and he was alone, facing an entire army, some funky hammer in his hand. his entire body succumbing to the nothingness he hated himself for wanting. but then the portals opened and steve fought in yet another war, wishing he was little again, that he was with buck in their small apartment. clinging to each other in the dead of night when it was too cold to breathe, and then in the warmth of summer, both sweaty but of course still extremely cold.  
then it had all ceased with a bang and a flash of light, and tony was dead. buck held him in the nights when he couldn't sleep, shaking with the memories of it all, of the franticness the fucking kid he'd hated tony for recruiting held while clinging to his mentor's body too much, of the long nights that had streched into years without bucky, the loneliness seeping into steve's dreams.  
he held buck too, less often and for but a few minutes, stroking his hair back from his sweaty face, soothing the terror in his eyes however he could. and he'd tell buck stories, of their past as bucky would smile. he'd remember the feeling of loving steve for centuries, he was sure, whether he remembered what steve was talking about or not.  
war brought them together and tore them apart, bringing with it it's fair share of injuries and illnesses. steve always trusted that one look from bucky would heal them all up, stitch any cuts up and soothe any memories in mere seconds. steve had always trusted bucky. bucky had already remembered trustng steve.


End file.
